Don’t Be Gay! What is Gay?
Justin Lee, author of TORN Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-Vs.-Christians Debate, writes of his experience in college as a tumultuous time of trying to fit in. He had struggled for years as a teen to banish the attractions to boys that he had felt since puberty, asking God to heal him of this and make him straight. In fact it took him a long time to finally admit to himself that the attraction his friends had for girls, just wasn’t in him at all. The Christians on campus who found out about his struggle with ‘same-sex attraction’ told him “Just don’t be gay, Justin!” And Justin wished it were that simple. But it isn’t, not at all. His book chronicles his journey and what he has learned about science, the ex-gay ministry, himself and what the Bible says and doesn’t say about Same-sex relationships.
So what does the word “Gay” mean? Justin found that the word has different definitions for different people. To most, the word gay means having an attraction or being attracted to people of one’s own gender. To others it means demonstrating sexual behavior, sometimes promiscuous, with people of one’s own gender due to the aforementioned attraction.
During the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, the media was full of images of young people exhibiting extravagant sexual freedom, both heterosexual and homosexual. I believe that that is what most older folks picture when they think of what it means to be gay. And that scares them. Even today the images of gay pride parades create fear in a lot of people because it is so out of their comfort zone.
The term “the gay lifestyle” is often thrown around as if all gay people live life in the same way.
Do all straight people live their lives in the same way? I would venture to say no to that one.
Likewise, there is no gay lifestyle. Are there gay people who are promiscuous and/or sexual predators? Yes, but the same goes for straight people. And I would bet that that number is higher.
Being attracted to people of one’s own gender is not a choice as people used to believe. It is also not a psychological malady, a result of childhood abuse or the result of a distant father and an overbearing mother as some people still believe. There has been and continues to be much scientific and genetic research into what makes a person gay. As of today, there is no one reason that we can point to and say ‘that’s it!’ There are theories about the amounts of hormonal exposure in the womb due to multiple studies that have been conducted, but unfortunately for the millions of gay people in our society and in our churches, there is no conclusive evidence. It would make it so much easier to be a gay person and especially a gay Christian, if there were proof that God made them that way. But just because we don’t have scientific proof, doesn’t mean it is not true.
Most gay people begin to realize they are different from other kids when they hit puberty. Some know earlier than that. Many try not to be gay, as Justin did, because they do not want to go against God’s will or they just don’t want to be different and made fun of. And for many, the idea of marriage and family is so much harder to envision.
It’s not a life that most would choose and not usually a life that’s full of happiness. Many young people are kicked out of their homes when they share with their parents about their orientation. It can be a life of harassment and bullying and exclusion.
Some never ‘come out’ to anyone until years later, after marrying someone from the opposite sex and making a mess out of two or more lives. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young people ages 10-24 and lesbian, gay and bisexual youth seriously contemplate suicide at almost three times the rate of heterosexual youth.
The so-called ‘culture war’ in which the church finds itself seems like a no-win situation as long as there is no attempt to put aside our preconceived beliefs about people who are different from us. On the other hand, if we try to listen more so as to understand each other, we can make strides to come together as one body, not dependent on our sexual orientations but dependent on our faith and desire to honor and worship God. That is what unites us as Christians. I pray that we can look at each other through God’s eyes, who loves his children unconditionally and equally. It is not a love that depends on us, but on God. Thank God!
More on that in a future blog.
In Christ,
Merryl Dietz
January 2021